I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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