yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ladies don't puke and tell
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
