becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
