Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
too bad you live with your parents still
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
