sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
