The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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