she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
