I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
