THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
