i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
