Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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