I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
