so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
