with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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