Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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