I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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