I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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