I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
