is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
