Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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