what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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