the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
