Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
