Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
