you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
