Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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