Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
