Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
