Can Purell be used as lube?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
