Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
