Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
