Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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