my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
