Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
