Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
