My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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