I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
