I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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