dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
