We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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