im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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