it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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