he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry about my life...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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