She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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