i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
