THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
