high people should be assigned attendants
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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