half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
