I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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