I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize