I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
