So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
