i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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