I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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