So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
