think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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