She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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