sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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