My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
