you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
